Post Trip Trauma

Random thoughts (I have a lot of these...often...)


We went to Arizona the first week of April to visit family. We drove. We had lots of fun, ate good food, and had a great time.  I made new resolutions. I was going to go home, eat better, work harder on losing weight (darn those big mirrors), and most of all, make more of an effort on organizing my home.

Then, reality hits. The first few days home, my fibro flares up. A flare is basically when all the symptoms are at their worst.  I think it was a reaction to the trip. Doing anything differently, physically, or even mentally, wears me out. The next few days I was also sick, but I'm not sure if it was fibro or a virus, or just plain ol' PMS. Nevertheless, nothing got done. Again.

It is so frustrating to look at my filthy house. It's relativity clean, I mean, the dishes are usually done and there's no mold or anything... but it's a cluttered mess. Toys, paper, clothes, etc. all over. You can't even walk into the kids room. But I can't do it alone. I try to get the kids to help, and most of the time they help, but not in a deep cleaning way that needs to be done.

So, what do I do? Do I give up, just knowing that I can only do a little bit each day? That's what I've been doing, and it's so hard to look around after wearing myself out, and still seeing messes. I finally get it somewhat under control, but since I worked so hard I go into fibro flare, and spend the next few days collapsed. So, my house gets thrown apart yet again. It's a never ending, vicious cycle.

But, there are some pluses from last week. I ate better. I ate out less often, and cooked more. I planned, shopped for, and carried out a project for my kids and I to do.

Just yesterday I got told again, "I don't know how you do it, Krista. You work, have 3 kids, and are PTA President."  Well, I know how I do it. I don't clean my house! Something's gotta give, right? 

Maybe this week will be better. Here's hoping.


Update: I love this message by Elder Ballard:

 "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother... Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children... What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." Elder M. Russell Ballard

Amen. 

Fibromyalgia explained

I wrote this blog post 3 years ago on a very old blog. I thought I'd repost it here, so you would know a little more about fibromyalgia.  

For a great list of the exhaustive list of symptoms, check here. 

http://christinassunshinehaven.com/fibromyalgia_fighter.html

Time to rant.
NOT a time to get pity, or worry. Just a time to rant.

What is Fibromyalgia? One definition says: "A debilitating chronic syndrome characterized by diffuse and or specific muscle, joint, or bone pain, fatigue, and a wide range of other symptoms"

This is a REAL condition!
Some Doctor's still refuse to acknowledge this condition. But IT IS REAL! Any Fibro sufferer will testify to this!

Think back to the last time that you were working out and over-worked your body. The next morning you felt SORE and STIFF all over, remember? Fibro patients feel like this ALL OF THE TIME! Each person has varying degrees of pain, but there is always pain.

Think back to the last time that you had the FLU. Remember how exhausted you were, even after sleeping all night and all day? Remember how weak your body was, and how shaky and unsteady you were? Fibro patients feel like this ALL OF THE TIME!Think back to the last time that you forgot someone's name, or forgot where you left your keys. Fibro patients have what they call FIBRO FOG. It makes it hard to concentrate, to remember things, and they sometimes lack the motivation to do anything at all.

Okay, so maybe this is the worst case scenario. But, let me tell you, any combination of any of these symptoms makes it hard to get through the day.

Fibro results from a traumatic experience, or very high stress levels. Researches have found that Fibro patients don't sleep well. They don't enter, or stay in, the Level 4, Restorative sleep that everyone needs for their body to heal. They also have a much lower pain threashold. This adds up to muscles never getting healed correctly, and the mind never able to completely refresh itself.

I have suffered from Fibromyalgia for 3 years (now 6!) now. Ever since my youngest was born. It's not her fault! I believe my "high stress" trigger was having 3 kids in 4 yrs! But, that was God's will, and I don't regret any of it! (That story is for another blog post!)

I was finally diagnosed after 3 yrs and 4 doctors, about 6 months ago. The 1st Doctor tested for everything, and got nothing. "It can't be fibro...you don't have the required trigger points." The 2nd Doctor never said, but clearly thought, that I was depressed. Maybe postpartum. Hmmm... do I still have postpartum 3 years later? And if you are depressed, aren't you supposed to FEEL depressed? Yeah, I was loving life. My 3rd doctor said there was nothing further he could do, so left me on the terribly expensive meds. My 4th doctor a year later finally diagnosed fibro and put me on meds that ACTUALLY WORKED! (I went to so many doctors because of moves and changes in insurance, not because I was searching for the answer I wanted to hear)

My fibro has gotten worse over the years. I now have the "requried trigger points" of pain. The meds help control my pain and "fibro fog", but I still have many bad days. I have days when I look around at my filthy house, at my kids watching tv and playing on the computer, and think "Hmmm..there is nothing to do". So, I lay down and take a nap. I am ALWAYS tired.
I NEED a nap every day. Let me tell you how much that disturbs my schedule! My kids hear "mommy is sick" all the time, even though I try to work through it, and go on with life. My poor husband gets the brunt of my complaints, but is SO AMAZING and SO SUPPORTIVE!

There is a section of my life, BEFORE I got the fibro, that I CAN NOT REMEMBER. This wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't the 1st year of my Michael's life. Good thing we have pictures! And don't even ask what we had for dinner 2 nights ago, or when I shipped an order. It will take a few minutes to track down the info in my mind.

There are some days that I just need to curl up and sleep. The pain is too much, my mind is foggy, and I feel nauseaus. If I'm not at church, this is probably why. I feel like I have the Flu. The other days, when I can't get out of my regular duties, I do the best I can. That's all anyone can do in this life. DO THE BEST YOU CAN! I have found pain meds that help. I find JOY in my CHILDREN. I've discovered that I need to write things down. I find happiness in every moment that I am able to live a normal life. I celebrate the days when I go to bed remembering the smiles and laughter that I had with my children that day. I LOVE LIFE! This is really a small burden to bare compared to others. For that, I am grateful.

Now, again, I'm not looking for pity or despair. I just want people to understand that this is a REAL condition, and if I don't act 100% alert, or move a little more slowly than usual, you know why!